Yanni’s Perspective on Dating in the Steppin’ Community

The more I talk to steppers about their point of view on dating a stepper, the more questions I have. So, I put together a list of the top questions from girl and guy friends and sought out candid answers from Relationship Educator, Yolanda “Yanni” Brown on steppers dating.  I first met Yanni at the 2017 Heritage Ball at the relationship seminar she hosted “Sex, Lies and Something In Between.”  Yanni Brown is also the author of the book “Making Love Better Begins Within. A Journey of Love Lessons Learned.” I started with Yanni to get a woman’s perspective on answers for my friends.

Realizing the Dating Potential

When I first started learning to step Chicago style and going to socials and sets in Virginia, I met many new people quickly and thought the steppers’ community was an ideal dating scene. I still think it is. The social atmosphere is a definite upgrade from the clubs and lounges I was going to locally with friends. Then, I immediately tried recruiting all my single friends to start steppin’ with me and to meet new people. However, I also learned along the way that many steppers did not date openly in the community or just didn’t date within the steppin’ community at all. I also know couples that have successfully dated and married in the community like the Gary’s my first interview for this blog.

Dating in the Chicago Stepping Community

Why do you think there is a negative stigma about dating in the steppin’ community?

I think that there is a negative stigma about dating period. Not just in the steppin’ community. We’re no longer setting requirements for dating or anything else.

What is your advice on what it takes to be successful in a relationship in the community – dating or married?

Successful relationships require building. People don’t want to build anymore. Long-lasting love doesn’t happen overnight! It requires work/building and if couples want a successful relationship/marriage they must go into KNOWING that the work will be hard and difficult but if that person is for you then they must be willing to build, do, plan, play, laugh, and grow “two”gether! They must remember to laugh, date and enjoy each other!

What are some things a couple dating in the community should watch out for to protect their relationship?

You can’t fix anything that is wrong in your relationship/marriage by stepping outside of it! Your mate should be your best friend but not your only friend. Last but not least, in the steppin’ community, it is imperative to know that nothing should come between your peace! Peace in your home, relationship, bedroom, the couple NOTHING! There are a lot of outside forces that are designed to tear us apart but when two people come “two”gether in love they must know that it has to build and grow in love.

Instructions on Dating

I have had more than one instructor tell me to be careful and not get swept off my feet by the men in the community. “Be careful.” It was presented as a part of my instruction as important as learning my basic. What do you think that means?  Do you think that instructors say this to other new students often?

There is something in the dance, any dance that can be magical. It is 3.5 minutes of love, lust, something in between, and or sometimes just the dance but it depends on the person interpreting the dance.

I always hear about what’s wrong with it.  I want to know who is getting dating right and how they manage.

You can see who’s getting it right but you may never hear them getting it right. They keep their business to themselves. They have a circle of friends that generally holds them accountable, keeps them in order, and protects their circle.

What Is a Good Date Night

Is an event a good date night?  If not, what is preferred?

Dates are as great as you make them! Sure an event can be a good date night but be open to other activities, different activities. I always suggest putting 12 things in a box that you both would like to do, then you’ll have 24 ideas to build great dates from.

What is the most positive part of dating in the community?

The thing about community is that we are about a 3-6 degrees separation from knowing someone in the community and their past. I would guess the positive is that you have insight as to who you could potentially be dating.

Break Ups on the Stepping Scene

How do you handle breakups? Do you split up sets to avoid each other or awkwardness?

There is no such thing as avoiding awkwardness. Breakups are often difficult especially if there are deep feelings involved and how many are involved in your business. If you’re going through a breakup, which set to go to is probably the least of your worries. The best way to handle a breakup is to disconnect for a while, deal with yourself, heal yourself before bursting on any scenes because people are gonna talk (that’s what communities do) and if you’re not strong enough to handle it, the scene of both of you being in the same place at the same time my advice would be to take a break, the same people will be there when you return!

Can steppers still remain steppin’ friends after a break-up?

That depends on time, level of maturity, and the reason for the break-up. There are a lot of variables in this.

How do I handle rumors or unsolicited commentary on the person I am dating?

You cannot police rumors or unsolicited commentary! What you can handle is what you yourself put out there, how you yourself hand what’s being put out there, and lastly returning back to your foundation! What are you building and how are you protecting that in which you are building. I always say if a person wants to be with you, you will know it in their actions and if the person doesn’t you will know by their actions as well.

How soon do you announce that you are dating?  Do you wait until you are super serious on the marriage track or do you announce immediately?

Why is an announcement necessary? People will see what they want or need to see. If they are important enough then they will get an invite to the wedding. Real bad boys, power couples, and BOSS’s move in silence.

Is there a downside to going public?

Haste makes waste!

Steppers Dating Non-Steppers

If you are dating a non-stepper, is it a good or bad idea to get them involved in the community too to combine both your love for the dance and love for the person?

For some this is just a dance, for others, it is a lifestyle. I think that if your mate will become involved in the steppin’ community, it should happen organically. It’s not the end of the world if they don’t get involved but it’s important to support your mate ie: entering contests, groups etc.

What sets dancing with your partner apart from dancing with, let’s say, a “heavy hitter?”

Your partner is your partner in life. However, dancing with anyone else should be just a dance. Again, you can’t let something outside of your relationship tear down what you build in your relationship. I’ve often said, you treat people how you want to be treated, it shouldn’t matter that you’re a heavy hitter or someone just starting in the dance.

Keeping Relationships Private or Public

How much of your relationship do you expose on social media?

Again, you have to be mindful of what you put out there! Because once it’s out there you can’t take it back.

When dating how can either one of us handle the attention that the other gets from the opposite sex?

Here’s the thing! YOU and YOUR mate are already individuals who just happened to come “two”gether in like, lust or love. If your foundation is not strong enough and you have insecure people entering into the relationship “two”gether, you immediately have cracks in the foundation. Consequently, a situation like this can lead to opportunities for that relationship to fail.

How do you move past a relationship in the community that ended badly?   Were people in your business?  Did you have to address folks or speak on the past relationship to move forward?

TIME is the only way to move through a relationship that ended badly. In any community people will have access to your business, it’s up to you whether you invite them in or not.