In more than five years in the stepping community, I didn’t walk away from someone in the middle of a dance. When I did this recently I did not feel good about it and I learned from it. I was dancing with someone I had danced with many times before. When I dance with him we are constantly challenged with staying in our lane on the dance floor and bump into other couples often. I still dance with him because we should support each other as we grow in this dance. None of us started at perfection.
On this particular day as we danced, I rolled out but didn’t roll back because I collided with someone and stepped squarely on his ankle with my shoe heel. I felt the solid impact and immediately stopped dancing. Eyes wide open and embarrassed I apologized profusely. The gentleman I bumped into said, “Don’t worry. I am okay. It is not your fault. He should be making sure you don’t bump into anyone.” In the meantime, my partner did not acknowledge the incident and “never stopped dancing.” He took my hand to pick up where we left off. This was our conversation next as he guided me to turn 45 degrees:
- Partner: We should move and dance this way instead.
- Me: There is enough space here. You simply need to stay in your lane and manage the space you have
- Partner: Stay in my lane!!! Please, please no lessons on the dance floor (shaking his head). Just dance!
- Me: This is not about a lesson. I could have critically injured someone just now.
- Partner: That has nothing to do with me. You are the one that kicked him in the ankle.
- Me: Oh, Okay!
I pulled my hand away from him and walked off the dance floor and sat down.
- Partner: Thank you for the dance Sonji!!
I believe I handled the situation with grace. I would not have said or done differently if it happened again. I learned some valuable lessons in that moment.
- Most importantly, don’t perpetually tolerate someone’s bad dance practices. He will think it is okay and not grow past it. I have seen several steppers realize his challenge and actually make space for him to dance recklessly and “uncontained” bumping into others freely with no regard. Now, we intentionally accommodate him and he doesn’t try to or want to improve because he sees no need to.
- Don’t put up with or settle for anyone’s disrespect even if you have to stop the dance. Maybe that response will resonate with the person so they know the gravity of the problem and try to do something about it. The gentleman apologized to me the next day and said he understood why it was his fault but he felt reprimanded when I spoke to him.
I will not speak with reservation when anyone puts me or someone else at risk. Everyone’s feet and ankles are important to them – stepper or not. I accepted the apology but I am going to be cautious and reluctant about accepting another dance with him.
