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Lawandca has been steppin’ for more than five years and when she met Shawn in Virginia Beach she wasn’t looking for anything, she just wanted to step. Originally from Norfolk, Virginia she always reached out to friends and steppers to find a local set whenever in town visiting family. She first met Shawn at one of the stepper sets at The Tropical Delight Lounge in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Since meeting and spending more time together and connecting on Facebook, Shawn and Lawandca developed a friendship that blossomed into a loving, relationship.

I spoke with Lawandca Gary to hear from a woman who found lasting love in relationships despite the mystiques about dating and marriage in the Chicago Style Steppin’ community. Some men say dating another stepper makes them uncomfortable to dance freely with other women. Some women are not sure of the intentions of the men that sometimes literally sweep them of their feet on the dance floor and remain guarded. I think some men feel the same about the women they encounter. Husbands and wives may watch their partner like a hawk to see what happens on the dance floor between his or her spouse and someone else because some men and women cross the line of respect. Sometimes husband and wife only dance with each other or a select few. Then, there are the steppers that leave their spouses at home to keep a single profile in the public eye. I have heard and seen it all.

Lawandca emphasized that the foundation for nurturing and maintaining her relationship with Shawn was always based on mutual respect from the very start. She always made her connections with others on the dance floor simply about the dance. Moreover, she trusts Shawn with other steppers because she knows he has respect for their relationship and now even more so their marriage. She encourages him to dance with other women. She will point out to him those women waiting to dance and tells him “Work the room.”

Whether it is to instruct, just dance or compete, Lawandca supports her husband in his endeavors in the community. She still tries out new moves with Shawn and is his trial student. When I asked if we would see her compete with Shawn, she said, “I used to say no but I am leaning towards competing. I would want my husband to compete with his wife.” She is doubtful that her name will be on a flyer as an instructor. “Instructing isn’t something I want to do but I will always support my husband and will be right there next to him when he is leading a workshop or class.”

Sometimes people believe marriage changes things so I had to ask Lawandca what she believed would change in their dynamics on the dance floor. Lawandca said “There will always be a level of respect and nothing will change when we dance with others. Our dance won’t change. We may have more of an intimate dance with each other.” What is her advice for steppers trying to love in the community or who have doubts and remain guarded? “Trust that person. If you don’t, it won’t work at all. Don’t judge. Everybody is not the same.”

I don’t think steppers’ relational concerns are limited to our community. I can feel and see these social dynamics in any group. For those individuals doubting the possibilities of love and deeper connections, we individually have to do a deeper search to rise above what we think will happen or what we see others do. No matter what the vicissitudes of steppin’ and relationships with the people we meet in this community, our openness to “true” love has nothing to do with the dance. Congratulations to Shawn and Lawandca for being an example of the positive possibilities. I look forward to seeing how you blossom and grow in this steppin’ community in unity.