- Me: Tyk, I have some feedback for you on your dance
- Tyk: Okay
- Me: Sherry is the only person I see you dance with where you use the entire palm of your hand and not just your fingers in your lead all through the dance. I love watching the two of you. I see a whole other side of you.
- Tyk: Sherry is the perfect partner. Everything I give her she gives it back to me and more. I can’t ask for anything more of her.
It was a beautiful moment I won’t forget. I don’t hear a lot of people talking about each other like this on the set while they are still alive. Indeed, I want to be that woman who can dance with anyone and still make the music move me. Maybe someone will say that about me one day while I am still dancing.
When I realized the versatility of Chicago Stepping, I set out to solidify my basics to empower myself to dance with anyone or at least try – LOL. It’s beautiful and tickles me when what I bring to the dance floor, learning from the 8-count, marries up well to seasoned dancers I meet and see on the set who did not learn from any count or a different count. It’s fascinating! In order to reach my goal I dance with everyone. I ask men to dance on the set. I am working every room.
Dancing with More Advanced Steppers to Get There
If I want to get better, I seize the opportunity to dance with people who have been dancing in this community for a long time. Some are unconventional performers with no semblance of a count in their dance. When I dance with them, it’s time to wake up and get down.
To name a few – Ty Skippy (RIP), Ice Ray, Tyk, Westside Mike, Ken Hilliard, Kim Bowie, Tall Rick, Poteete, Scorpio, Donnie Davis, Quake, Josiah, KP, LP, Lionel Foote (RIP), Bug, Dimples, Herk, Danny, Sherrod, Reggie Miles, Shawn Bandy, Rich Jackson, Simon, Big Otis, Maurice Thomas, Reice Turner, Pharies, Sherman, Ronnie B, Tim Alexander, and more. Every time on the dance floor has been a pulse check in time for how far I have come and what work I have left to do. Don’t get me wrong, there are many names not on this list. Every dance from every stepper is a lesson in my book.
Dancing with Beginners to Stay Grounded
On the other side of the spectrum, I am excited to dance with new steppers. I want to know that whatever they are learning marries up with what I know. It helps me gauge if personal styling and footwork has compromised my foundation. This also keeps my following skills rudimentary for various styles of leads. Moreover, dancing with beginners is a great way to welcome them on the set and build confidence. I love dancing with beginners.
Dancing Along With Who I Learned With
There is nothing like a little friendly competition with the people I learn with in different classes and those who I started with in Virginia. Herb, Damon, Zach, Shawn, Eugene, Vince, Mike Bee, Wesley, and Al. When we’ve taken what we’ve learned, refined it, and come back together – even years later – it’s fulfilling to recognize how we’ve grown and where we came from. These contenders challenge me to keep up with them, and never stop learning because I’ll get left behind. Never!
Dealing With When It is Not A Fit
Competition taught me a lot about fit. When you’re intentionally looking to find that chemistry with someone, fit is the focus. This is where the challenges surface and can be difficult. Sometimes, as much as I wish for it, everyone does not marry up or fit with my style and dance. I remember when I was partnered with someone to compete, but it was a difficult, trying fit to make it to any stage. This was a prime example of social dancing not translating to contest dancing.
Our practice sessions became moments of him coaching me to delete myself from my dance to adapt to what he was trying to do. The lesson here was to “know when to quit.” I had to recognize what is my problem versus someone else’s problem. If you ever encounter this situation, do not be afraid to walk away. Sometimes things do not work out.
Changing Dynamics to Working the Room with the Shortage of Men
I recognized the shortage of men on the stepper set when I started in Virginia Beach. Virginia men, by default, worked the room and traveled statewide to support everybody’s sets. Thank you Virginia. I remember when I had a guest from Chicago, and we went to a local set, he sat and watched for a while and then asked, “Is that what the men do here? They take turns dancing with every woman in the room?” I exclaimed, “Yes! Of course they do. Wait until they find out that you’re from Chicago. You will not sit down.” It happened exactly as I expected.
When I arrive at any stepper set, I am not looking for a seat because I want to dance. One day I arrived to the stepper set and was on the dance floor seconds after walking in. After my dance, a young lady said, “Sonji, you skipped the line.” I looked around at two or three tables of women sitting, waiting to be asked to dance in a room with four men. I left never to return to that set. The shortage of men is just as pressing today in some cities.
Making Adjustments for the Season
I still get swept onto the dance floor as soon as I walk through the door – not as frequently. Talking and listening to the music has become as enjoyable as dancing all night long. Some familiar faces have left the set. Men are still working the room, but there are even more women. Some ladies lead to help the men work the room so that other ladies don’t sit all night long. I still ask men to dance, but I also ask them if they need a break if they just finished dancing with someone else. Sometimes I will buy them a bottle of water. More often now, I dance to one song as men flit off to their next assignment in the room. I hear “no” more often now for different reasons. One guy told me, “You have to earn a second song.” I hope that we get back to a better balance.
Giving and Receiving Feedback in My Journey
To learn beyond the classroom, feedback is helpful and dancing with all these different people and how the dance goes is feedback that helped my dance leap to new levels. They don’t have to say anything. Feedback can be inspiring, constructive, or destructive. Of course, you’ve got to discern who to listen to, what to pay attention to, and what to leave behind. I give feedback and sometimes – a lot of times – I am on the receiving end whether or not I desire it. Those who have instructed me know I am looking for it – like Tyk. I learn from all of it. Men tell me that they appreciate it – whether it is good or bad.
The Method and The Meaning
Feedback can be a simple smile and things you do to express how you feel in those 3-4 minutes. Do you sing out loud when you step? Depending on how you sing, this can be feedback to your partner to mean different things, “This is my jam,” or “Are you listening to the words of the song?” or “I am enjoying this dance with you,” or “Please don’t strike up a conversation with me while we’re dancing.”
Here are some of my feedback moments.
- It was a rough start with someone I did not dance with before – a tight embrace and tight fingers. “You know you’re so strong, but I’m a lady. I’m delicate. Please be gentle.” He smiled, relaxed, and we enjoyed our songs.
- “I am a dancer, I am not on that 1,2,3 bullshit that they teach,” he said as the song started. He gave me a rapid turn and his timing was off. I don’t come out of the turn exactly as I wanted to. He did this twice. The second time, I paused and walked slowly through the turn. Coming out of the turn, I drifted back, and started my footwork. He said, “Okay. I’ma let you do you.” We finished out the song dancing apart, and I enjoyed the music.
- Facebook Messenger: “You know when I danced with you on Saturday, you didn’t smile even once. When I first saw you dancing in class and saw your footwork, I was thinking, who is that?! I have to dance with him. That’s why I asked you to dance. You know what you’re doing. Remember to have fun with it. ” “Thank you. Yes. I do need to smile more. I’ll take that and work on it for sure.”
- “Thank you for that wonderful dance. You have really helped me to slow down, and not anticipate because when I dance with you I never know what you’re going to give me.” He responded, “Oh, thanks. I’m just dancing.”
- The song started as I waited for him to approach me to start off. Instead, he started dancing in place. When I did not move he started snapping his fingers in my face and nodding to the beat as if helping me to find the beat. He danced all night with several women before and after me; and again, the disrespectful finger snaps were reserved only for me. At the end of the song he said, “That was a nice dance Sonji. You’re coming along.” I smiled gracefully and walked away. This should be our last dance.
Now, that dance with Tyk Man and Sherry Gordon
Yes, I recorded that dance. Stepaganza in St. Louis, Missouri at the Picnic
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HELLO, I AM SONJI
I saw stepping for the first time in Virginia and fell in love with the dance. I started traveling in 2012 and fell in love with the people, culture, and experience. Chicago stepping has taken me across the nation chasing its truths. I enjoy the chase. It has stirred my soul and healed me. These are my travel stories about Stepping.
LEARN TO STEP
- Explore the culture
- Enjoy the music
- Meet people
- Chase the experience
- Travel and learn