Steppers Etiquette on How Long Shall We Dance

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INSPIRATION: POST-PANDEMIC SENTIMENTS TOWARDS HOW LONG SHALL WE DANCE

When I first blogged about steppers etiquette as it related to the number of songs we dance to, I was inspired by something Terrance Pratt said. At one of his forums, T Pratt surprised me when he mentioned that in earlier times, “back in the day” on the stepper set, it was customary to dance to at least three songs in a row. If I summarize correctly, the first song was a warmup; the second was taking it up a notch now that you were familiar with each other’s rhythm and flow; on the third, you jammed.

When I started stepping in 2011-2012, the general practice for a three-song dance was not a part of my era. We danced to two songs, and if you got more than two, good for you. The popular belief was if you danced with someone for more than two songs, you were “involved.” Remember that? As I blossomed into my dance, stepping multiple songs in a row was a privilege I enjoyed.

Changes in Dance Etiquette for Steppers

Our dance etiquette has changed significantly over time and continues to do so. Steppers seem to want to dance less and less with the same person to develop familiarity and hone synchronization with different individual rhythms. My article on dance etiquette today is to shed some light on what I see happening and to remind us of the benefits of dancing to more than one song. Additionally, I have a desperate message to spread to every stepper – dance to the entire song – start to finish. The general practice on many sets now seems to be dancing to barely one song. More seasoned steppers, by default, still dance for two songs with no questions asked. Thank you.

Dance to the Song from Start to Finish

Not only are most steppers I dance with not dancing to two songs in a row by default anymore, but we are not dancing to the entire song.  Curious about why this is happening, I ask men why we don’t dance two songs in a row. I hear from newer steppers, “Someone has to give me a great dance on the first song to earn a second song.” Lately, I have witnessed on the set when some steppers wait until more than a minute of the song has played before asking someone to dance. They start in the middle of a song and end up dancing to half or less than half the song.

The secret is out that sometimes seasoned steppers start dancing in the middle of a song when they are giving a courtesy dance to newer steppers or someone that does not dance very well. If someone asks me for a dance halfway through a song, I respond, “Can we wait for the next song to start?” I have no bones for calling someone out when they do this and asking them to wait. And it seems I encounter this behavior from leads who have been dancing for barely five years. To treat any stepper this way is rude. How does anyone enjoy a two-minute dance?

Ending the Dance Before the End of the Song

On the other side, my worst experience lately on the stepper set is for someone dancing with me to stop dancing and walk off before the song is finished. I think this is rude and embarrassing. Steppers, get to know your music. Know the long songs. And, if you end up on a six to seven-minute song with someone who isn’t the best on the wood, finishing the song still goes a long way for those still learning and not quite comfortable with the dance yet. This type of evolution in our dance etiquette is not for the better but for the worse. It’s a bad look all around and hurts our dance development collectively. I must share here what James L. Johnson Jr posted on Facebook:

The Benefits and Steppers Etiquette to How Long We Dance

1. The most magical part of any song can be the intro and the outro. It’s where you can play a little and do that thing to set the tone for the entire dance or end the dance with a bang. For example, for those who dip, the beginning and the end are the places for it.
2. Talking about the intro, I think the thing that I don’t see happening a lot anymore is the opening address. I am not sure why. Either steppers don’t know how to do it or are uncomfortable with it. Let’s get back to the basics to start the dance off correctly. Is this a falloff in our stepping etiquette? Jeff Clark asked the following question on Facebook recently. It was an interesting conversation.

3. When everyone on the floor starts off dancing as one, it makes for a comfortable time on the dance floor for all the dance partners out there. You can easily see the steppers’ flow. When a late starter enters the floor and starts bobbing and weaving through a dance floor with a flow to find a spot, it is disruptive and poor etiquette.
4. Dancing with someone for three songs to get familiar with and in synch is a part of the learning and development process. How do you learn synchronization and dance rhythm hopping arbitrarily from one person to the next after only one song? I will take six minutes of learning and connection with someone over only three minutes any day of the week.

A Hope for A Better Today on the Stepper Set

I had a conversation yesterday with someone on whether these new habits of dancing with a partner less and less were instinctual or taught. We landed on the idea that this may be taught and influenced by dance peers who have been on the set for some time already. Instructors and seasoned steppers, if you are teaching students or telling newer steppers to start a dance in the middle of a song, to walk off before the end of a song, or dance to only one song with someone, please stop. It shows a lack of understanding of the stepping culture and our social graces and hurts the development of our dance community. Most importantly, it’s a disservice to everyone’s dance. Let’s get back to steppers etiquette and two songs for the joy of stepping and learning.